Will Uncle Joe come to Thanksgiving dinner and start gnawing away on a drumstick, his idea of a joke? Will your cousins from down south tell everyone they are coming for dinner at your place, but instead call while you are whipping mashed potatoes to say they changed their minds?

It’s that time of year again when our families move to center stage in our thoughts. We end up spending more time than usual with our relatives, with no easy way to avoid each other and any problems we might be having.

What can we expect from them this year? Can we ever be sure? How will they measure up to our expectations? And why, oh why, isn’t my family like The Waltons?

The answer to the last question at least is that no one else’s family is either. If people tell you they have a perfect family, chances are good they are exaggerating a little – or probably a lot. Families are made up of people and that means there are always plenty of dramas being acted out as well as boatloads of tension and hurt feelings -- especially when relatives are thrown together at high stress moments, like around a dinner table.

At our ages, we have hopefully gained enough wisdom to be open and receptive to the needs of others. It ain’t easy, but we have seen worse, haven’t we? And it’s not worth the heartache we give ourselves.

Some advice:

• Ease up on what you expect from your family members. They are trying, too, and just because they don’t do things your way, that doesn’t mean they don’t care or they don’t want to come. Everyone has commitments and responsibilities. Everyone is doing the best they can.

• Plan for a backup plan if those you’ve invited decide they can’t make it this year, even though they have committed.

• Make plans to spend time with your friends during the holiday season to allow you some time to relax during these hectic weeks.

• If Grandma still wants you to come over and open all your gifts in her presence, try to gently ease out of the situation if you no longer want to participate. That goes for other “required” appearances you may be expected to make this year.

Remember that you have a right to enjoy yourself at the holidays. And even though there are others – your children, your siblings, your parents -- you are trying your best to please, it’s not a crime to please yourself sometime, too.

Happy Holidays.

By Teresa K. Flatley

www.boomthis.com